what do i need to stop hurting?
closure?
or just happiness..
i can't fathom what I'm feeling right now.

Lene Marlin - What If

What if I don't wanna move on
If I like it as it is
Wanna keep it like this, for a while...forever
Just let me lie close to you
Don't wanna let you go, don't wanna let you go

If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do

What if I don't wanna forget
Don't want anyone but you
Believe me, it's true, for a while...forever
Just let me stay here with you
I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna leave

If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do

And I thought I could, let this go
I thought I would, but now I know
Now I know...

If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do
If I said I want you, if I said I need you
If I said I love you, what would you do

What if ...

I recently finished watching this Japanese drama called "Osen" . The main focus of the drama is on traditional cooking methods of Japanese cuisine, and how they tried to keep their tradition with the fast changing society. To be honest, I did not have any expectations for the drama, but it turns out really good. The female actress is really really sweet and pretty, she's like the girl next door (this picture don't do her justice). I notice I keep repeating "she's so pretty/cute" throughout the drama. It's also amazing that even though her character is really innocent and nice, she don't appear weak and irritating. A must watch for me!

Went to watch Momentum 2009 at RP yesterday. And some asshole totally crash my mood for the day. oh well, so I didn't actually pay attention to the dance performances at all. (only paid some attention to 2nd half )

Here's the line up for the performances:

1) Togetherness by Ngee Ann Polytechnic's NRA
2) Gun Gun Hong Chen by Evergreen Secondary School
3) Wicked by Dance Spectrum International
4) Miang Keladi (Coquettish) by RP Malay Cultural Group
5) Pursuit by Deyi Secondary School
6) Nirtha by RP Indian Cultural Group
7) Caderitas Sambrositas by SMU Caderas Latinas
8) Four Short Stories About Boys And Girls by NUS Dance Ensemble
9) Peace, Unity, Love And Having Fun by RP Hip Hop Dance Group
10) Masquerade by Dance Spectrum International
11) Naga Bhumiyin Narthanam by Bowen Secondary School
12) Redemption by St. Andrew's Junior College
13) Parallel Universe by ITE College East (Simei)
14) Tri-Rhythmic Dance by Teck Whye Secondary School
15) Historia De La Danza by RP Social Dance Group
16) Reunification by RP Modern Dance Group

I think the one i remember the most is the Nirtha by RP Indian Cultural Group if I'm not wrong. The whole theatre was practically cheering and clapping for them. The feeling is pretty amazing, cos i was feeling rather pissed and it's hard to be pissed when everyone is happy. The atmosphere is just wrong yah.

Oh and another group. Parallel Universe by ITE College East? Sorry man, to be honest. They're the only group that makes me think they look like a bunch of background dancers, that's really bad yer? That's why they're called budding dancers. Their dance move and everything don't look like an item to me. But then, background dancers not necessarily means they got no techniques, and many good dancers started off from being a background dancer.

I actually liked Redemption by St Andrew's Junior College. I liked their last year's performance and this year too. You know good dancers just draws you in and I liked how well they uses their body movements to portray emotions (thanks to their choreographer too). They're also the proud receipent of the Gold Honours awards in Singapore Youth Festival Central Judging 2003 to 2008 respectively. I mean that explains how good they are. 3cheers. As for NUS Ensemble, yeah they're good. Technically good. Because they're so perfectly on point and everything. But then, you feel so uptight watching them. I guess a little flaw won't harm yer.

Oh lastly, RP Social Dance Group. Hmmm, I can see improvements and changes here and there. The previous year was bad. The dance move and choreography is sloppish and you feel embarrass just by watching them. But this year is a little better, I think they got more members in. The choreo is slightly better, but I don't understand why they have to do technical poses when they're not good at it. You know those flipping the girl over the head yada yada. Good effort though.

Because my sister is a dancer, I get very critical when I'm watching dance performances. And I tend to pay attention to very detailed stuff. Overall, last year's momentum is better hahaha.

*floats off*

I think I'm about to cry just by watching Britain's Got Talent.

Sue Son <- click to view
what will you choose? loyalty to a friend or your own passion? it's a tough decision. In the past I'll definitely pick loyalty. For now? I'll pick passion. In reality, life still goes on with or without a friend. Seen enough and had enough. And i bet all my friends will pick passion.

Faces of Disco
hahaa, funny act. Laughs out loud at Simon's comments.

After Sue Son, I'm craving for BOND!
Bond FTW!

*floats off*

I'm feeling so angry right now that i could literally explode. You know how it feels when you tried so hard to understand, and to make someone feel better when they think they’re annoying, yet they don’t see your effort?

Though at times i might not like what you said or don’t agree with your views, i laugh it off and accepted it because we're friends and i assume you do the same for me. But i don't know if you see that there are people like me who actually tried to understand you and there are also people who just yell back at you.

I never once told you before, but sometimes I feel so offended by what you said, be it intentional or not.

When i first told you that I’m craving for onigiri, you said "where is the best onigiri u have eaten??" I have no idea why, but I was expecting you to say the onigiri that you've eaten in Japan is so delicious and those at the supermarts are crap. yea ha, i've never been to Japan, neither did i experienced osen before.

When I got excited about making onigini, I googled and show you the onigiri tool set. You said "no need tools to make onigiri one leh, they use hand to make the shape". To be honest, do you really think i don't know that? i thought a normal response should be "wao such a cute tool set" or something along the lines.

When i mentioned that particular guy look different on the pictures, you said "all u can see is pic and video, how u know he look different in real life". I’m like shocked cause i never said that he look different in real life, all I’m saying is the pictures on google don't look like him on video. o.o

When i introduce you a book that i think is good, you ended up pasting a wikipedia webpage of that book for me. Shouldn’t i be the one to give you that link? Since I'm the one trying to tell you how good that book is. Or you probably think that i don't know wikipedia existed and you wanted to show it to me. OR MAYBE you're trying to correct me that it’s not 'receiver' its 'receiver of memory'?

when i told you about me spending one whole night trying to figure out css and you responsed with "css that part only got a few parameters.. whole night to do.. tried every possibilities??" i dunno, maybe css to you is like abc, but its not to me. so what if its just few parameters, i spend time trying to understand them clearly.

i mean gosh, what’s that all about? Some people can easily assume that you're picking on them because you give negative responses to every single comment! Ok, maybe I got it all wrong.

But do you know how surprised I am when you asked me do i play all the notes or just the melody for the piano piece? yea, i do not have proper piano lessons like you do, but what makes you think that i can't play all the notes? I might not know it more than you, but you don't have to make it seems like I’m that pathetic.

It may seem like I'm overreacting or whatever. but in just a single conversation i can feel offended like twice, thrice or more. And you always assume things because you didn't even pay attention and listen to what we wanna say. you always wanted to be different, wanting to be someone that is not as described and you ended up being so difficult to be with. You're such a confusing individual that sometimes you're so sensitive, and so aware of what other people think or say about you to the extend that you have become insensitive to others. You tend to see things too realistically that you're caught up in your world thinking you know the best, or i know her too well, i know it better than others, and it makes you judgmental on everything. You make people feel like no matter how hard we try we can never be good enough. You always throw people with your sarcastic views and make yourself seemed like you're higher than everyone else yet you have the lowest self confidence at the same time. You're so uptight and serious that sometimes a joke ends up being a serious topic. You really need to know that people get offended when they don't know you well, and even for me who known you for like 9 years, its still difficult to handle it.

I don’t care if you read it or not, and I don’t need a reply. I don’t want to know how you felt about me or this situation; I don’t want to go through a whole new process of anger. If you concluded that I'm the one thats at fault, then i apologize for it, I regretted and shouldn't have use you as a topic of my dreams. I don’t want to make myself dislike you and to make you dislike me. It’s a vicious cycle. I don't want to listen to whatever, so just leave it as what it is.