"I never get excited about things, I never, ever laugh out loud, and there is nothing in life that I get enthusiastic about. Generally, the most happy I am is when I am left alone to wallow in my lonesomeness, losing myself on the computer, or in front of the television, perhaps. I hate my job, and I don't know why I bother doing it, other than for money to eat and exist, and because society doesn't like dropouts. But staying in my job is like wasting my life."

I think what it says here is so true about me. I always fall into this state all the time, or perhaps I'm always in this stage and just pulling a fake mask in normal daily lives. I don't like to be depressed. Nobody likes you and it's annoying to have some depressed freaks around you. I'm not sure what makes me who i am today. I wasn't sure who i really am and what i like and what drives me. I looked back at blog entries perhaps 6 years back, i swore what i wrote on the blog seems like I'm always depressed every now and then, and always blaming people and getting annoyed and frustrated about the tiniest issue. (I even wrote their names in full and call them names) I looked like i needed attention. In fact i don't even remember i wrote all that! It felt like it wasn't me. But to be honest, who am i?